Post-grad life

Exactly five months ago, I left the building of Columbia knowing that the future I dreamed of - the jump start of a career, the glamour, the bars, the apartment all to myself-is not exactly being revealed at the exact time, at the exact moment I went flying out the slightly heavy doors of Columbia college with my worn out shoes. Of course, I dragged my education with me, knowing that the obstacles from life will fill in the void where education used to reside.

I remember clearly what the city looked like when I left. The bitter winter was still half way through the season, but yet the chill gave the notion that it has been here for the longest time. I pulled my coat's collar closer to my cheeks to shield it from the blasting frost. I looked up to notice the sky was clear. The twinkling of the Chicago sky scrapers actually made it hard to see the actual stars. It mocked them, giving off false light where it seemed that the night sky stretch out to the bustling streets. My cousin was right about Chicago: you can barely see the stars there.
The ambiance of downtown Chicago was something else that night. My senses were triggered every second, heightened by the intensity of a memory its trying to build up, associating it to the fact that I have accomplished my college life.

Finally arriving at the train station, I hopped in my regular train and smiled at the idea of not having to commute three times a week again. I started listing down the upside of ending school. But then suddenly, sadness took over me. I could not pin point exactly what brought this emotion in mind. A few things came to play: Fear? loneliness? Even Happiness. Who knows. Even I didn't. I sighed and almost immediately, a tear rolled down my cheeks. I was shocked. Surprised. Embarrassed even. I kept asking myself: "why am I crying". Like always, I kept my emotions inside. But nothing can contain it, not even a phone call from a loved one.

And then, the train started moving.

Exactly five months ago, I left the building of Columbia knowing that the future I dreamed of - the jump start of a career, the glamour, the bars, the apartment all to myself-is not exactly being revealed at the exact time, at the exact moment I went flying out the slightly heavy doors of Columbia college with my worn out shoes. My career hasn't jump started yet. Glamour is not what I choose to be in my vocabulary. The bars are still there and the apartment, well, only time would tell.

From five months ago to a little about a month ago, my frustration of not having controlled where my life leads was more or less like the rise on the unemployment rate: it just kept increasing. I started questioning myself all of the things worth questioning: Did I make the right decisions? Did I do what I supposed to do? Did i participate well? Connected well? Am I just plain incapable of things? Networking has never been my ally. And if it was, it would normally fall through. Sure, I can be passive at times, but I do what I have to do. Do I?
Soon, fear closed in on me. I didn't know what to do but mope around for the most part. My job hunting has slowly turned against me and haunted me. Some of my hopefuls fell short. It's either I am not qualified for them or my second interviews never came. Bah Humbug.

I guess college life didn't really prepare me for this. Well, maybe it did, but I didn't pay attention to this. It's not like I assumed of attaining a managerial job or get a high paying job immediately. Like I remembered being mentioned, aim for the low position and start from there. I did. But nothing gave me a start.

In the end, my own degree was choking me.

And then, I snapped out of it the last week of last month. Thank God. I realized-with the help of my parents and other people- my road doesn't just go on one direction. I can build, start another one if I WANT IT. WHEN i want it.
The funny thing is, I'm learning more now than I have in school.
As much as my marketing degree is essential and my copy writing training is helpful, I believe that marketing is not for me. I left Columbia knowing that I will get a job at marketing, not hesitating or asking myself if it is what I want. These are the times that i should be truthful to myself. Sorry, marketing helps, but I prefer designing.

Thus, I laid a brick on a new path.