Adulthood

When I was a little girl, the idea of growing up has always been scary. It's like those scary stories people tell you so you wouldn't do a certain thing. The first I was told to grow up was when my cousin hit me with a belt. My other cousin and I decided to play at a neighbor's house without telling anyone. So, when we got home, we were scolded and got a beating. Not a bad beating. Just a few smacks on the butt. My cousin was first then I came second. And as that belt landed on my behind, my older cousin said, " Ikaw yung mas matanda! Kaya dapat alam mong mali!" ("You're the older one! You should know better!")

That was the first.

The second one came when I hit adolescence, things changed. I was older than most of the children in my neighborhood, my street. And every 4:00pm, we would always play outside. When puberty hit, I can't deny that compared to my playmates, I was really old. Therefore my older cousin said something again. She goes, "Matanda ka na. Hindi ka na pwedeing makipaglaro sa mga mas bata" ("I'm old already. I can't just play with younger kids") I was told I can no longer play with younger children, therefore, I stopped. For the rest of my life, I stayed indoors. Until, I moved here in the US.

And of course being told to grow up did not stop in the Philippines. Adulthood slapped me across the face just as I crossed the seas to here. I was 15 and having a driver's license and working greeted me with welcoming arms as I shunned the idea. But, constantly hearing about it made me give in. Once again, I was told to do things. I was told to grow up.

Clearly, there are milestones developing definitions of adulthood. For some, it's marriage. Others, it's having a child. Some may even consider earning you're own money while age is considered to be the ultimate evidence for growing up. But then, it's just a number.

For me. Shoot. I don't know. I got the job, the bills to pay, the degree, amongst other things, to get me into that definition of what is being an adult. Well, part of that definition. But I guess, from what I heard, it's beyond all of those things. Therefore, I am still not an adult.

And I am so confuse. I thought I was.