Adulthood

When I was a little girl, the idea of growing up has always been scary. It's like those scary stories people tell you so you wouldn't do a certain thing. The first I was told to grow up was when my cousin hit me with a belt. My other cousin and I decided to play at a neighbor's house without telling anyone. So, when we got home, we were scolded and got a beating. Not a bad beating. Just a few smacks on the butt. My cousin was first then I came second. And as that belt landed on my behind, my older cousin said, " Ikaw yung mas matanda! Kaya dapat alam mong mali!" ("You're the older one! You should know better!")

That was the first.

The second one came when I hit adolescence, things changed. I was older than most of the children in my neighborhood, my street. And every 4:00pm, we would always play outside. When puberty hit, I can't deny that compared to my playmates, I was really old. Therefore my older cousin said something again. She goes, "Matanda ka na. Hindi ka na pwedeing makipaglaro sa mga mas bata" ("I'm old already. I can't just play with younger kids") I was told I can no longer play with younger children, therefore, I stopped. For the rest of my life, I stayed indoors. Until, I moved here in the US.

And of course being told to grow up did not stop in the Philippines. Adulthood slapped me across the face just as I crossed the seas to here. I was 15 and having a driver's license and working greeted me with welcoming arms as I shunned the idea. But, constantly hearing about it made me give in. Once again, I was told to do things. I was told to grow up.

Clearly, there are milestones developing definitions of adulthood. For some, it's marriage. Others, it's having a child. Some may even consider earning you're own money while age is considered to be the ultimate evidence for growing up. But then, it's just a number.

For me. Shoot. I don't know. I got the job, the bills to pay, the degree, amongst other things, to get me into that definition of what is being an adult. Well, part of that definition. But I guess, from what I heard, it's beyond all of those things. Therefore, I am still not an adult.

And I am so confuse. I thought I was.

Honey bees and stinging men ears

I am guilty as charge.

As a person who uses "honey" or "sweetie" or even "baby" with no malice or the intent of using these grandma phrases to lure an opposite sex for attraction, I have yet to learn to draw the line when addressing these sweet nothings to a guy. Lately, I have come in contact with situations involving these sweet callings toward guys coming from some of my friends. Let me elaborate:

Person A addresses on of these sweet nothings to person C through online messages. Thinking it was probably platonic and okay to "return" the calling, person C refers to person A 'sexy' after replying back. Now, person A was baffled and cannot understand why Person C called her 'sexy', therefore constructing involuntary analysis of what the word 'sexy' means to him and to her.

Which brings me to the point: do women have the free card to say sweet things to men, not having the intentions of flirting and cavorting with them?

Being a woman is complex.

I agree. Definitely complex, but never complicated. I believe that our sweet personalities are driven through actions and words but be aware there is a rather thin line between these platonic, nice, sweet gestures and just plain flirting. Let me break it down:

> A touch of an arm has nothing to do with us liking you. It's about comfort.

Now, caressing an arm has everything to do with liking you. Prolonged caresses that travel from part to another is the major sign for wanting you.

> A friendly smile or quick glances do not indicate an interest of knowing you more. It's all friendly.

A smile with a smirk and playful gazes- long playful gazes- gives a green light to approach her-never the other way around.

> Using 'hun', 'sweetie' or other phrases exchanged between a grandmother and her grandson is nothing more but a friendly calling. Instead of 'dude' or 'man', it's a more feminine way to address a fellow opposite comrade. We're just being sweet. That is all.

> Putting an arm around your arm is just a platonic human contact. Just like touching your arm, it's nothing more but be cuddly and have something to lean on. Because, I'm telling you, we like to cuddle.

So there. I know i'm leaving some things that need clarification...please leave a comment and let me know what you think :)

These are a few of my not-so-favorite things to do nowadays...

So, as i embark on this great journey called real life, my list of things to do-either must or not so much- is growing. Every minute. Every second. of every hour. Now, i am not sure where to start. First off, now that I am done (entirely?) with school, I have to start paying the loans...step one: find someone to consolidate my loans in a considerable rate. Step two: pay it!!!! Step three: pay until there is no more!!!! therefore, time frame of payment is unknown.

But then, in order for me to pay, a job must entail. I am currently (still) in the position of a part time job and considering that the company recently took a deduction, well, is not going well. So, the steps on loan payments are not really in the process of getting done. And then, there's the home projects. the personal projects. and the job hunting.

I must say, for someone who just got out of school thinking that she'll be relieved from work...is totally incorrect. Oh, and of course, to add to the list, the incessant notion of being healthy aka slender and not flabby. That would be my list. Seem short but full of very important things...

Don't get me wrong. I live for listing things. It keeps me motivated and productive. But lately, I just cannot embrace the idea that my list has things that are so....grown-uppy...lol. before it was just simple things listed- clean room, do dishes, laundry. Now, although short and straight to the point, the list has complex things that has sub-list under the things listed already! I mean, like, finding a good rate for consolidation...you call people...decide...keep calling...fill up a form...call....start paying....worry about paying....etc. And that's only under, finding a loan consolidator! There are so many things attach to it! The list just seem to go on forever. And don't get me started with combining all these necessities to my goals. My life goals consist of writing a book and publishing it...and then there's designing clothes. Am I suffocating so much with what's happening that I taking whatever I can to give me air to breathe?!?

Wow, have I gone mad? Or am I completely dreading reality?