$-1.23 please

This may form as greed or pride, but when I was making more money than I anticipated, it was a relief to look at my bank account and see that I am not on the negative side. However, it is different nowadays, that the idea of looking at my bank account is like a horror movie in which, everytime I sign in waiting, I get nervous and anxious. And then when I do see my balance I have The Screamers face. Why must we have to be so involve with money?

Maybe it was my own fault. Spending unnecessary things...but then again, I was just paying for my bills....

The concept of acquiring money faster and, to say least, easier, is very very tempting. Let's see, I could lose weight and be a stripper...or a call girl...or maybe deal drugs...It's interesting that these "immoral" employment tie in to the fast and easy money plan...Why is it harder to gain money leading a legal life?

I read this article last week about a man who gave up money. And he's alive. Sure, he may have not showered for a long time, and lives in a cave...but the food he gets from family and friends were obviously bought with money, therefore, is it wrong for me to say that what he is doing is hypocrisy? Surely, he can pick a fruit from a tree, eat it and then plant it and live off from that farming technique we have had the ability to know. And with water, there must be some filtration system he could generate out of organic materials and use that to have clean water.

Come to think of it, he should be naked or wearing something made out of nature....then, I could attest that he is no longer living with money....

These are just ramblings caused from a negative dollar and twenty-three cents.

The Time Traveler's Wife aka Author is teaching at Columbia

It's interesting how things just connect. This passed weekend, I just found out how one of my close friends are somewhat connected to Santi's friend's ex. Of course, I started remembering my connections to people, resulting to a realization that the world is indeed small. And then last night, as I started reading the book, The Time Traveler's Wife (Thanks, Walter!), I found out that the author is teaching at Columbia. My Columbia College. Funny. I mean, there are really no big connections there, but it's somewhat significant. This month, I have been questioning whether or not I made the right choice about choosing Columbia. It's too late now, I understand that, but it's just something that I have been thinking over and over again. My recent situation really did create doubts, on myself, on people, on everything. But I guess I really have to accept that the economy is mostly to blame. Like before though, I won't let it. I just won't.

And then, I generated this what if: What if I could travel back in time? Not for the purpose of righting what was "wrong", but making it better. Would the outcome still be the same?

Aside from the book, I have been connected to other time traveling themes. I just finished watching Doctor Who- a syndicated show in the UK where a man or alien (Time Lord), only known as the Doctor, travels in time never be mistaken for traveling to parallel universe.

What if we do have the capability to travel in time? Would people abuse it? The obvious precedes itself, but what if time traveling has been part of our lives, like air, and therefore taking advantage of it is unlikely?

And the question arises again: What now?

My summer class is almost over. And although I had a hard time giving the best I've got, I am contemplating whether or not I should dive again to class schedules, homework, projects and the likes next semester. It seems like school is the only thing I can control at the moment, and without it, I'm a headless chicken- always scrambling to find things to do that are "more" interesting. But then again, I don't want to be a professional student, because even though it lets you acquire more knowledge, it leaves you begging the government for money to pay to learn. Why can't the government pay US to learn??? Instead, we pay the U.S. to learn things that we can generally learn ourselves if we are motivated enough. Let's face it, not all of us have that drive. The drive to learn more and more. To do things in our own. Shoot. I even have a hard time manipulating my mind to do things out of self-encouragement. I know there are more things to learn in life than in books, but for some reason, books are more consolidated than life. I mean, it has a variety of genres: comedy, romantic-comedy, drama, action/adventure, horror- all of which are inspired by life itself.

A turn of a page could hold an idea, a knowledge, its own inspiration, immediately being stored in one's mind until it's never used and replaced by another. We all learned in psychology that a child's mind has more space for memories and as we grow older, that space becomes more limited and to say the least, we become forgetful. However, we tend to remember things, memories that seem irrelevant but it holds some kind of significance in our lives. The brain itself is as complex as life. The brain is our very own library, broad yet specific.

Since we always use the phrase "another chapter begins" or "ends"- depends really on the context- it is appropriate to consider our brain as the library of our body. But it's not as consolidated as a book published, bound and read. So, I guess we're back in square one?

If my life is a book, it has to be an encyclopedia. Not because I have all the knowledge, but, I'm only limited to certain ideas/things/etc. I only know one thing at a time. And don't even get me started with what alphabet letter do I manage. I'm an encyclopedia who is trained to do one thing and one thing only: succeed. There is nothing wrong with that. I mean, I still do possess some interesting facts, but my spontaneity is limited. I'll always long to be an adventure book, but I'm not gutsy enough. Come on, I categorize myself by letters, that's not really the adventurous type.

I would say my cousin is one. She's not the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure deal, but she'll be more The Odyssey adventure, or maybe more political like a biography of a famous person or an influential person. My friends would be a diverse category. My friend Kat would be the independent girl book turned chick-flick. Alycia would be the romance novels...Sarah would be a romantic- comedy series, coming of age tale as I put it. Arcelia would be a How-to book. My mom would be the Bible. So is my dad. Well, it's a tie between, a book of religious songs or fashion books :) Santiago would definitely be a gamer's world book. But then again, who am I to judge a book by its cover?

Regressing heart

You know when your heart is empty when it beats and there's an echo. Not just an ordinary echo, but at echo wallowing in the depths of being numb. My impulse to leave so suddenly from the park was something that I had to do. But yet, I saw from my niece's eyes that she was a tad bit disappointed regardless if she was playing with her friends. My emotions just took over, I cannot stop the tears from rolling. The fact that I cannot even rely on my friends to hang out, to experience an outdoor movie with me. I understand each had plans, but I think I gave them enough time to at least let me know that they could make it. But then I ask myself, is it really right to be so upset with them because of their actions? Or my sadness and loneliness created these outburst of emotions, which until now, I cannot hold in?

I miss him dearly.

The thoughts just echoed from my empty heart shell. The idea of not being with him scares me and me realize that I cannot stand not being with him. And yet I have to practice living independently, because, let's be honest, nothing last forever.

Then again, my loneliness is a sheer explanation that my love for him is so much greater. And here I thought I could survive a week without him. Now I know what he must have felt when I left for Prague. And that was 5 weeks!

Why is it harder for the person left behind than the person who moved on? Is it because there are no changes to the person left behind, except for the temporary absence of loved one, making it so difficult to achieve, to move on with the daily living?